Retirement Announcement




April 1, 2019 

My Dear Friends: 

An important announcement: 

I have decided to retire from my career in International Travel.  

I have traveled to more than seventy sovereign countries on five continents.  Alas, I have never visited Madagascar or the Maldives or Micronesia. I plan to donate my Frequent Flier Miles to the Travelers Aid Society. 

Please do not be alarmed.  For a man of my age, I am in satisfactory health, thank Heavens. 

To replace my addiction to international travel, I will resurrect my love for Teaching and Education.

I am pleased to announce the formation of "Universidad Completada."

Universidad Completada or "Completed University" will enroll adult students of diverse backgrounds and ethnicity who did not complete an undergraduate or graduate degree and who wish to earn additional college credits to be eligible for the awarding of a Completed Bachelor's Degree or Completed Master’s Degree. 

The new credits will be added to the total earned in the past regardless of the subject areas. (NB: Community College courses may be eligible for credit and will be evaluated on a case by case basis.)

Classes will begin on September 1, 2019. 

Universidad Completada will offer three-credit courses in these subject areas: 

American History and Myth

Ethics and Immigration 

Mass Media and Fake News 

Natural Science and Hoax 

Particle Physics and Pilates 

Transcendental Meditation and Twitter

Political Science and Propaganda 

Landscape Photography and Photo Shop 

Creative Writing and Emojis 

The courses will be “balanced” and give equal weight to research and reportage in the respective fields. 

As enrollment grows, additional curricula will be considered. 

Instructors have already been interviewed.  They are specialists in a variety of disciplines.  Many of them speak several languages.  They all speak colloquial English in generally comprehensible styles - British, American, Irish, Scottish and Australian.  

Courses may be completed On Line or here in Bangkok in a residential setting.  I have signed a lease-option on a small apartment building that will contain classrooms, a computer center, dormitory, dining room, and kitchen.  A multi-lingual Karaoke system will be available on weekend evenings.  

My friend PhonTok MakMak has agreed to take the position as head chef.  She knows the Thai cuisine quite well, although she'll have to go easy on the chili peppers.  She has offered to experiment with Sri Lanka, North India, Pakistan and Bangladesh recipes.  Her daughter AroiAroi MakMak will provide Uganda and Queensland fare. 

Interested students will complete an application form.  An essay is required on this critical question: "Why on earth, at this point in my busy life, do I feel the need to increase my stress and go back to school?"  The examiners will be impressed with sincerity, motivation and creativity.  "Grammarly" can be detected and will invalidate the application.

Tuition will be based on ability to pay.  Notarized Tax Returns from 2017 and 2018 must be submitted with the application form.  Back-up documentation for medical and charitable deductions is also essential. 

All successful students will be required to come to Bangkok for Graduation exercises and to receive their signed and authenticated degree certificate.  I have contracted with a printer in the Khao San Road backpacker area.  They specialize in hand-crafted, unique documents.  (BTW, if you also need to replace a Driver’s License or Birth Certificate, they can be of service.) 

Please feel free to contact me to request an application form.  

I anticipate that Elizabeth DeVos at the US Department of Education will approve this chartered capitalist scheme and will recognize the validity of the Completed Degree. Betsy is a proud graduate of Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  Calvin College is of course named for John Calvin, one of America’s most progressive thinkers and clerics.

As per my announcement, I am tethered in Thailand. 

Most sincerely, 

Jan Polatschek, Dean and Decider 

Almost forgot:  Everyone agrees that Traveling is the best Educator.  

With this in mind, Universidad Completada students will be granted three credits for each country they visit while they are matriculated.  They will be required to spend at least 24 hours in the country and to master the following basic phrases in the local language: …  “hello” … “thank you” … “the food is delicious” ... and ... “where is the bathroom.” 

Six credits will be earned if the Dean is invited to accompany the student.  Expenses to be shared.  

If the Dean is invited as a travel companion with Business Class airfare and Hotels paid by the student, twelve credits will be awarded. 

Madagascar?  Mozambique? Mali? Mauritania? Mauritius? The Maldives? Micronesia? 

Manitoba, Minnesota and Mississippi are also eligible but will earn only ten credits.

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