April Fool's Day, etc.

An Arrogant Proposal

Bangkok, Thailand

May 15, 2007

Dear Business Editor,

As an owner of equities of several international airlines companies, I read with glee your recent reports describing the airlines' new policy for raising revenue.

Isn't it obvious that the fuel surcharge be raised? And ticket prices too. Business is business. To hell with those "supposed" low cost carriers. Eventually most of them drop out anyway.

I agree, if a passenger wants to eat, then let her pay for her food. The ticket is for a seat, and only a seat. Of course some seats are more desirable than others and our astute airlines executives clearly understand their company's assets. If you are short, then you are lucky. Tall, and if you want an Exit seat, then a little extra fee should be OK. Think of all the advantages of being tall.

Retirement Announcement

Bangkok

Thailand

Monday 

April 1, 2019 

My Dear Friends: 

An important announcement: 

I have decided to retire from my career in International Travel.  

I have traveled to more than seventy sovereign countries on five continents.  Alas, I have never visited Madagascar or the Maldives or Micronesia. I plan to donate my Frequent Flier Miles to the Travelers Aid Society. 

Please do not be alarmed.  For a man of my age, I am in satisfactory health, thank Heavens. 

To replace my addiction to international travel, I will resurrect my love for Teaching and Education.

I am pleased to announce the formation of "Universidad Completada."

Special Advisor

Bangkok

Thailand

Sunday

April 1, 2018

Hot, Humid and Hazy

Chance of Rain 

My Dear Family and Friends, 

You can’t make this stuff up….

Except I already did …. 

In 2007, I wrote an “essay” called “An Arrogant Proposal” published on my website.

Here’s “An Arrogant Proposal” reprinted:

Bangkok

Thailand

May 15, 2007

Dear Business Editor:

As an owner of equities of several international airlines companies, I read with glee your recent reports describing the airlines' new policy for raising revenue.

Isn't it obvious that the fuel surcharge be raised? And ticket prices too. Business is business. To hell with those "supposed" low cost carriers. Eventually most of them drop out anyway.

I agree, if a passenger wants to eat, then let him pay for his food. The ticket is for a seat, and only a seat.

Divorce and the Economic Stimulus Package

The White House

Washington, DC

April 1, 2010
 
My Fellow Citizens,
 
On my flight back from Guantanamo Bay where I went to cheer up and support our Troops - BTW they are doing "a hell of a job," 
 
I had a few spare moments on Air Force One so I Googled my own name.  And what do I find?  Mr. Jan Polatschek's Economic Stimulus Plan that is posted on his website.  He was kind enough to mention my name.

Get a Grip!

Bangkok

Thailand

Saturday

April 1, 2017

Sunny and Hot 

Hello,

I am disappointed … in myself.

For weeks, I have tried in vain to find a theme for my annual April 1 “gotcha” letter.   Not that there haven’t been suitable subjects.  

One recent event comes to mind. 

“President Trump declined the invitation to throw out the first ball at the start of the baseball season.  So, to substitute for the president, I thought I would nominate friends who are die-hard baseball fans.  But a few of them are already gone too soon and others have just gone fishing.”  

I considered the list of Presidential Succession: Pence, Ryan, Hatch, Tillerson.  “Now close your eyes and try to imagine one of those guys on the mound.”  

The conclusion of my unwritten baseball letter could have been, “Mr. Trump, this is a tradition for all presidents.  Please, get a grip!”   Then I understood why he said no.  He probably couldn’t get a grip, if you follow my meaning.

Blind Trust - Feel the Burn

Dubai

United Arab Emirates

April 1, 2016

Hello,

I need your help. 

I have been asked to conduct a search for an Executive Director of a large and diversified Trust Fund.  The position requires senior-level expertise in operations and financial management in the Real Estate and Hospitality Industries.

As a life-long registered Democrat, you can imagine my surprise when I received a personal letter from Donald Trump.  This was no ordinary mailer asking for a contribution.   This was a personal letter, on his personal letterhead.

Mr. Trump is optimistic and looking ahead to winning the Republican Party nomination for President.  As the nominee, he wants to be a visionary when it comes to foreign affairs, especially in the area of military preparedness.  Consequently, he is researching the sites of closed or abandoned military bases in order to expand our global reach and readiness. 

In his search, Mr. Trump came upon my website and my travel letter and photographs from my recent visit to the abandoned World War Two United States Air Force base in Greenland.  Apparently, Mr. Trump’s military advisors informed him that this remote spot in the North Atlantic has significant strategic importance. **

Just by chance, on my website, Mr. Trump also clicked on the link to “Jan’s CV.”  He found that I had a long career in the Hospitality Industry.  So he was interested.

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